So here's the blog I promised you about in a couple posts ago about my life updates, especially regarding grad schools, senior recital, music, etc. Just a warning though, this will be a super long post, mostly because this allows me to "talk through" the craziness in life right now...
After classes and exams ended this past spring, I had 1 week to get ready for my 1-week Discipleship class back at Wheaton. That week, however, I also started doing my internship - well, only observations, but I was at the church at least 6-7 hours a day. While going through the internship, I was also reading 2 books and writing 2 papers for the class because they were due on the first day of class. The class itself lasted for 5 days, 5 hours each day...yeah, it was a LONG class. On top of the 2 papers, we also had to write 3 more papers for the class due a month from the last day of class, so June 18th. When I was packing for that week, I decided not to bring my music along because I figured I'd rather finish all my papers the week I'm at Wheaton and not worry about them when I am actually interning the rest of the summer. Well, that worked out well! I finished all my papers by that Friday AND I even had a few hours to squeeze in some practicing time (and just borrowed the music from the library). That week, I literally felt like a non-conservie! My class started at 12:30 PM and I woke up around 8 AM NOT to practice, but to write papers. It felt weird...but I guess it was good to experience as well!
The class itself was incredible! I'm so glad I took the class...the professor had incredible things to say and I came out of the class learning a lot! There was only 1 other undergraduate student and we were in a class together last semester so it was good not to be the only young one there...the rest were graduate students and I had a blast getting to know them as well! Another exciting thing was that one of those graduate students in my class was from Indonesia. At first, I didn't think too much into it but he asked me to be his friend on Facebook and it turns out that his wife is my mom's cousin! Yep, you heard right! It's been more than 30 years since my mom talked to her cousin because they got disconnected when they were younger, but they re-connected...through Facebook! This was truly a blessing! I wouldn't have been able to meet them if I didn't take this class! It was nice for them to invite me over to their house and we were able to re-unite somehow, even though I never knew them growing up! God is so good!
Alright, back to life: after I got home from the class, I immediately started my internship...officially (which you can read about each week in this blog). Thankfully, I get Mondays off from the internship, so Mondays and Saturdays (and Sundays) are my days when I can really sit down and practice for at least 6 hours, while also trying to fit in some time to practice violin. I also teach for a few hours on Monday since that's the only day I can actually teach, so my day "off" is not exactly a day off! I feel a bit disappointed that I'm not able to practice as much as I wanted...especially since I realized my senior recital with all of my grad school repertoire in less than 19 weeks. October 13th is coming sooner and sooner. Why won't time stop for once?! It is quite overwhelming...I'm worried that I won't be able to get everything polished and memorized by then! Yeah I've learned all the notes but that's only the beginning and I have about 4 months to pull it together somehow.
As of grad schools, I've actually researched them last summer and got information from them. Decisions and applications are getting a bit complicated because I will not be entering grad school for piano right after I graduate with my undergrad. If you don't know, I was accepted into the Accelerated MA program in Christian Formation & Ministry (focusing in Children's & Families' Ministry) at Wheaton - which basically means that you finish your Masters in a year. The way it works is that you take some classes (up to 16 credits) of the Masters program during your senior year of undergrad. Well, unfortunately things aren't looking quite that way. Because I'm currently a double major trying to graduate in 4 years, I don't have that much room to fit in 16 credits. In fact, I only have room for 10 credits to take my graduate classes...so I'll be taking grad classes in the fall. Yeah, call me crazy...I don't know what I'm doing...
(Stay with me here, I know it's a bit complicated to grasp and it doesn't end here...)
The problem with my schedule is that I'm not sure if I'll actually be able to graduate in 1 year for my Masters. I can only if I take 16 credits per semester as a graduate student...which I heard is called suicide, but doable. So right now, I'm not even sure if I can make it happen in 1 year...or if I have to stay for the summer right after my undergrad. Who knows. Again, decisions...
So because of this program, I can't go right away to grad school for piano. Here's where it gets MORE complicated. I actually have to apply and audition this upcoming year as if I'm entering grad school for piano in the fall of 2013. And then, I'd have to defer my decision to a year later. The reason I decided to defer instead of just applying the year after is because I'm already preparing a huge list of repertoire for my senior recital and I wouldn't be able to spend that much time with the piano the year I'm finishing my MA at Wheaton anyway. So, I've had to change plans on grad schools based on their allowance for deferrals, looking into some that I really didn't want to go to. I've narrowed the list down to 7 schools and I'm so glad I actually finished the applications for them the past few weeks. Now, I just have to practice and audition!
SOOO, this has been my summer and what I'm dealing with in my head. I'm really loving interning at the church and doing music ministry - and more than ever do I feel God calling me into that ministry. At the same time, I still find joy in practicing piano and performing (just not the sense of frustration because I'm behind). In the fall, I'll be starting my senior year and my "first year" of my MA, along with my senior recital, grad school applications & auditions, chapel band, theory TA, orchestra, and teaching piano. I really cannot feel more blessed for all of these opportunities but thinking about all of this drains and overwhelms me! Soooo much to do!
So yeah. I'm overwhelmed...perhaps the most I've ever felt. But I can still feel God's presence and peace in the midst of it all. I'm really learning how to trust and surrender more than any other. I like to have things organized in my head and if I draw my cards right, it'll all work out. Well, God is definitely telling me otherwise. I know He wants me to let go and let Him take care of things...everything! It's been a challenge for me to walk through this process and I'm asking for His help each and every day. I would appreciate your prayers at this time as well. There are many decisions that I need to make regarding all of these things, and I pray for wisdom from Him. He has the master plan for my life. Who am I to control my own life? Besides, I'm here on earth to glorify and praise His wonderful Name! I'm reminded each day during my quiet time and devotions that even though I often fail, God still loves me because His love never fails! I know that I'm not the only one struggling with this, so I pray that if you are in this position, you will also overcome this obstacle. God is truly faithful and He will never leave us nor forsake us. Just hold on to that promise.
Well, that's about it. A part update and a part reflection. Thank you so much for reading about my life and struggles the past month since the semester ended. I'm thankful for each of you and for your constant support, encouragement, and prayers. Let us all continue to live our life as best we can for the sole purpose of glorifying our heavenly Father! To God be the glory!
In His love,
Andrea
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